The Strength in Vulnerability: Redefining Masculinity.

By: Shelly Bohmert MA LADC LPCC: Director of Mental Health

“Men make up half the population—but nearly 80% of all suicides.”

According to both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), in 2023 alone, over 49,000 people died by suicide in the United States. The suicide rate among men was nearly four times higher than among women.

Men between the ages of 45–64 had some of the highest suicide rates, a trend often attributed to the pressures of caregiving and leadership roles, life stressors, social isolation, and a lack of strong emotional support networks.

Additionally, while the NIMH reports that only about 50% of individuals with mental illness receive treatment, both the NIMH and CDC confirm that men are significantly less likely than women to seek or receive mental health care. This gap is often driven by stigma, cultural expectations, and systemic barriers that discourage emotional openness and help-seeking behavior.

It’s time we talked about it. Not just during awareness months—but every day. Because vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s survival. This post will explore how vulnerability is not a weakness, but a powerful form of strength. The idea of “redefining” masculinity can improve mental health outcomes for men now and in the years and generations to come.

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Traditionally, men have been told to ‘man up,’ hide their emotions, and avoid anything seen as ‘feminine’. This harmful practice has kept many from both speaking about their mental health and seeking support and care. Men who shared their struggles were alienated from their peers, labeled “sensitive” or “weak” and felt shame and guilt for not aligning to societal expectations. The concept of “just be a man” has led to the common societal practice of men suppressing their mental health, feeling isolated and struggling to both identify and find mental health supports. Additionally, for a Black male, BIPOC identifying or other ethnic minorities male, barriers and cultural influences are even more significant. Often there are additional barriers like cultural influences, fear of connecting with someone who cannot understand or relate to you and an overall lack of trust in our health system. This coupled with a decreased access of care for non-white males only contributes to the high rates of not only mental health but suicide. (Treatment Disparities among African American Men with Depression: Implications for Clinical Practice – PMC).

To understand how deeply misunderstood vulnerability is, let’s look at its actual definition. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, vulnerability is:

“The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

Nowhere in that definition does it say that to be vulnerable is to be weak, powerless, or cowardly. And yet, society has layered on harmful misconceptions like:

• “Vulnerability is weakness.”
• “If I’m vulnerable, people will think less of me.”
• “Men aren’t supposed to be vulnerable.”

These beliefs have pulled us far from the truth. Vulnerability isn’t about falling apart—it’s about showing up. It’s about choosing honesty over hiding, connection over isolation, and courage over comfort.

So how do we reframe this mentality when working with male clients or supporting the men in our lives? We highlight that vulnerability is not the opposite of strength, it is actually a source of strength. When we allow ourselves to be honest, speak our truth and ask for help, we aren’t weak or powerless, we are showing courage, strength and bravery.

• It takes strength to admit you’re not okay.
• It takes power to speak your truth in a world that tells you to stay silent.
• It takes emotional intelligence to connect, reflect, and grow.
• And it takes courage to be real in a culture that rewards performance over authenticity.

Rethinking Masculinity: A Healthier Definition

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, masculinity is defined as:

“The fact of being a man; the qualities that are considered to be typical of men.”

Simply put, it means being male and having traits people often associate with men. But for one of the most influential and debated aspects of identity in our society, this definition feels surprisingly vague and limiting.

To improve male mental health, we must start by redefining masculinity—not by erasing it, but by expanding it. That means challenging outdated ideas and embracing healthier, more inclusive ones. While traditional masculinity often emphasizes strength, stoicism, and dominance, modern perspectives are evolving. Today, masculinity can also mean:

• Emotional openness – Expressing feelings without shame or fear.
• Shared responsibility – Taking equal part in caregiving, household duties, and emotional labor.
• Respect and consent – Building relationships based on mutual understanding and communication.
• Mental health awareness – Seeking help and supporting others without stigma.
• Diverse expressions – Embracing the many ways masculinity shows up across cultures, identities, and experiences.

Real-Life Role Models: Healthy Masculinity in Action

Let’s look at public figures who embody this shift in masculinity:

1. Jason Kelce – The former NFL player is widely admired not just for his athleticism, but for his emotional openness, vulnerability, and strong family values. Through speeches and podcasts, he advocates for mental health and being a present, supportive father and husband. (Opinion: Jason Kelce gave all of us a master class in American manhood | CNN).

1. Ayushmann Khurrana (India) – A Bollywood actor known for roles that challenge gender norms and toxic masculinity. He uses his platform to promote progressive messages around body image, emotional expression, and gender equality. (Times of India).

1. Taika Waititi (New Zealand/Māori) – A filmmaker and actor who blends humor, cultural pride, and vulnerability. He challenges colonial and macho stereotypes, offering a more inclusive and emotionally rich view of masculinity. (BBC).

These individuals show that healthy masculinity is not one-size-fits-all. It can look different across cultures, but often includes the same core values: empathy, openness, respect, and authenticity.

The Cultural Lens: How Masculinity is Shaped

To truly redefine masculinity, we must understand the cultural forces that shape it:

Cultural Norms Define “Typical” Male Behavior

Every culture teaches boys what it means to “be a man” through:

1. Tradition
2. Media
3. Religion
4. Family

Masculinity Is Learned

From a young age, boys are taught:

• What clothes are “appropriate”
• How to speak or act
• What roles or careers are “for men”

Masculinity Can Change Over Time

Cultural views evolve with:

• Globalization
• Shifting traditions
• Media representation
• Social movements

Culture Can Support Healthier Masculinity

When cultures value:

• Empathy
• Respect
• Emotional intelligence
• Community care

…they create space for men to be their full selves—not just tough or stoic, but also kind, vulnerable, and nurturing.

Now What? Practical Ways to Embrace and Encourage Vulnerability

1. Holistic Wellness
   1. Exercise & Movement: Yoga, strength training, walking, or any form of physical activity that supports mental clarity.
   2. Nutrition: A balanced, nourishing diet can positively impact mood and energy.
   3. Sleep: Prioritize rest—mental health starts with physical well-being.
2. Therapy & Mental Health Support
   1. Encourage therapy as a strength, not a last resort.
   2. Explain that therapy isn’t always ‘talking on a couch’—it can include art therapy, EMDR, group work, or coaching.
   3. Offer to help them find a therapist or even attend the first session for support.
3. Support Groups
   1. Peer-led groups can feel more approachable than formal therapy.
   2. Men often feel more comfortable opening up in spaces where others share similar experiences.
4. Social Connection
   1. Rebuild or strengthen relationships through casual, nonjudgmental conversations.
   2. Be a safe space: listen without fixing, validate without minimizing.
   3. Acknowledge societal pressures and affirm that vulnerability is not only okay—it’s powerful.
5. Boundaries & Balance
   1. Encourage setting boundaries at work and in social settings to protect mental space.
   2. Respect the boundaries of men you support—sometimes space and patience are the most powerful gifts.
6. Hobbies & Joy
   1. Encourage creative outlets or hobbies that bring joy, calm, or connection.
7. Resources
   1. Books: The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes, Man Enough by Justin Baldoni, Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves
   2. Podcasts: Mind Over Masculinity, The Angry Therapist, The One You Feed
   3. Apps: Headspace (meditation)
   4. Support Services: MentalHealth.gov, Therapy for Black Men, Progress Valley Mental Health Clinic, Psychology Today

What Not to Encourage

Social Media: Let’s be honest—social media rarely supports mental health. It often fuels comparison, unrealistic expectations, and emotional disconnection.

Remember: people post their highlights, not their whole story.

Call to Action: Redefining Masculinity Starts With You

Take One Step Toward Vulnerability: This week, try one small act of openness:

• Share how you’re really feeling with a friend or loved one.
• Journal about something that’s been on your mind.
• Ask someone how they’re doing—and really listen.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s courage in action.

Join the Conversation: We’d love to hear from you:

• What does healthy masculinity mean to you?
• Have you seen or experienced a shift in how masculinity is expressed?
• What role models have inspired you?

Drop your thoughts in the comments or on our social media—your voice matters.

Explore & Grow

Use the resources above to continue your journey toward emotional strength and authenticity.

Final Thought

In a world that often tells men to be tough, silent, and unshakable, it takes real courage to be

authentic. True strength isn’t about hiding your feelings or fitting into a narrow mold—it’s about

showing up as your full self, with honesty, empathy, and emotional bravery.

Let’s redefine masculinity not as a set of rules, but as a journey toward wholeness—where

strength and softness can coexist, and where being real is the boldest thing you can be.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

— Brené Brown